Jesus’ Influence on Husbands and Wives 1 Peter 3:1-7
Most young women, on their wedding day, are convinced they have married Prince Charming and most young men are equally convinced they have just walked down the aisle with Cinderella on their arm. I know this to be true because I have participated in many weddings during the past 34 years.
Long before the wedding day arrives I always begin my relationship with the couple by meeting with them for premarital counseling. Most often, as soon as they enter my office, they move their chairs closer together, take one another’s hand, and gaze longingly into each other’s eyes. At some point, during our first meeting together I ask them, “Why do you want to get married?” They turn towards each other with a glimmer in their eyes and say, “We love each other?” I know they mean it. I then tell them that the kind of love they have for one another will never get them behind the cake, the one with the big “50” on top of it. Talk about throwing cold water on a Hollywood love scene! During the next several sessions together I share with them the kind of love that will get them behind that beautiful, big cake one day where they will celebrate with their kids, grandchildren, and loved ones on their 50th anniversary.
And over and over again through the years I’ve been proved right about the love they shared for one another when they first came to my office. Those who loved one another somehow, some way, lost that loving feeling and things got ugly. How does that happen? I believe it happens because we all fall in love with the romanticized idea of love and marriage. We fall in love with the startling idea that we have finally found someone who makes us happy, someone that when we spend time with them leaves us feeling better than when we are alone. These are the thoughts and feelings that lead us to want to marry, but in many ways they are a mistaken idea of what marriage is at its core. Stanley Hauerwas writes,
Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become ‘whole’ and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person. We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married. (Stanley Hauerwas)
That is so good. Our spouse was not created to provide what only God can provide for you and me. When we look to our spouse to make us happy and then keep us happy, to make us whole and keep us whole, then it won’t take long for us to be so disappointed.
What we need to recognize is that our husband or wife, instead of being Prince Charming or Cinderella, is a sinner…a sinner just like us. I want you to think about this with me for just a moment. Before I was ever married to Connie I was a sinner. I had all kinds of personal issues I had to deal with because of my sin nature. Then I met Connie, my own Cinderella. Instead of recognizing that Connie was as broken and sinful as me, I made her out to be the one who would finally lift me out of the pit of my own personal predicament. The truth of the matter was that Connie was in the same predicament as me, she was a sinner, marred and scarred by her own sin nature. When we married each other, instead of alleviating our individual brokenness, we doubled it.
Tim Keller says we are selfish, neurotic, and immature beings, and that marriage has an uncanny way of amplifying that. Our personal problems and interpersonal peculiarities are not simply psychological problems, they are a byproduct of our being sinners. For those that question what I am saying, you aren’t convinced about this whole “sin nature” thing, let me give you one simple bit of evidence to show you what I mean. I was born a sinner, the Bible makes that very clear. Because of my sin nature, I am selfish to the core. I want what I want. That one single aspect of my sin nature has caused me so many problems my entire life. Anyone who is married knows that selfishness in marriage is a recipe for destruction.
I hope all of this doesn’t sound hopeless to you because I am a huge fan of marriage. Being married to Connie for 41 years has blessed my life in more ways than I can count. I wanted to share all of this with you because most of us got married not knowing that the marriage covenant is designed by God, and the marriage covenant serves a purpose–God’s purpose and not our own. That purpose is to reflect the relationship of Jesus and His bride, the church, and not to help us become self-fulfilled and happy. Let’s take a look at our Scripture for this morning found in 1 Peter 3:1-7.
1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:1-7 NIV)
I have to tell you that Wednesday we were in Bible study, in our study of 1 Thessalonians, and I told the class I was studying 1 Peter 3:1-7 for Sunday, the Scripture that begins, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands…” Then laughter broke out in the room. I didn’t think about it at the time, but looking back I think the laughter was coming from the ladies and not the men. I told the class, “It’s going to be fun, so much fun!”
I want to forewarn you that we won’t finish our study today. I want us to take our time and really dig deep to try and learn about God’s design for the marriage covenant. When a husband and wife reflect the relationship of Jesus to His church, which Scripture calls the bride of Christ, there is a distinctive difference from what the surrounding culture experiences in marriage. We can’t see the parallel of the relationship of the husband and wife to Jesus and His bride, the church, in this passage in 1 Peter 3, but we can clearly see it in Paul’s instructions to husbands and wives in Ephesians 5:21-33. Let’s read that section of God’s Word so I can show you what I’m talking about.
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church-- 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV)
We can clearly see from what Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus that the marriage relationship is to reflect the relationship of Jesus and the church. In 1 Peter we have six verses of instructions to the wives and only one verse of instruction to the husbands, but in Ephesians we have two verses of instruction for the wives and seven verses of instruction devoted to the husband. When Paul finishes his instructions, he writes, in verse 32,
32 This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32 NIV)
So, we can see that the marriage covenant entered into by a man and a woman has a purpose and that purpose is to reflect the relationship of “Christ and the church.” How dramatically different is this from what is believed about marriage in our culture today?
Today, I simply want to lay the foundation for our study of these verses in 1 Peter 3 and the way we do that is to remember that we always approach any Scripture we are studying by going back and sitting with those who first heard Peter’s letter read to them. I don’t have any problem understanding why women roll their eyes and close their ears when they hear Peter or Paul talk about the relationship of husbands and wives if they are hearing their words through the filter of living in America in the 21st century. We have to understand what has been written in the context of the time it was written before we can ever seek to apply it to our own day and time.
In the first century, in Greek civilization as well Roman society, women had literally no rights. Not only did women have no rights, but they were looked down upon as inferior to men. The Greek philosophers who are still taught today, Plato and Aristotle, believed in the inferiority of women. Plato had a higher regard for women than his pupil Aristotle, but his views of women were far less than those of Jesus. For instance, Plato believed women should be confined to the home while the men led in business and civil government. He also believed that men who were cowards or lazy in this life would be reborn as women in the next life. Aristotle believed that women were incomplete men who were incapable of abstract thinking and were emotionally volatile. The first century Greek philosopher Dio Chrysostom, who was born in the Roman province of Bithynia, one of the five provinces where Peter sent his letter, wrote,
…Everyone would admit that man is stronger and more fitted to lead. Consequently, to her falls the larger share of the household tasks; (Dio Chrysostom. Or, 3.70)
In the Roman Empire, under Roman law, women remained as if they were children all the days of their life. While living in her father’s home she was under the law of “patria potestas,” a Latin phrase that translates “power of a father.” Under the law, the father had full control, even the power of life and death over his children. And when the daughter was married she came under the power of her husband. The wife was completely controlled by her husband and at his mercy. The Roman senator, soldier, and historian, Marcus Cato, wrote a speech titled On The Dowry. In his speech he talks about the punishment of wives. He wrote,
The husband who divorces his wife is her judge, as though he were a censor; he has the power if she has done something perverse and awful; if she has drunk wine she is punished; if she has done wrong with another man, she is condemned to death…Should you catch your wife in adultery, you may legally kill her without trial; but if she catches you, whether you be an active or passive participant in the matter, she should not dare to put a finger on you, nor would it be legal for her to do so. (Marcus Cato)
Jewish culture in the time of Jesus was also degrading of women. In the Talmud, which is a commentary made up of many Jewish rabbi’s take on the Hebrew Bible, we find that “It is foolishness to teach Torah to your daughter” (Sotah 20a). The Talmud also prescribed prayer for all Jewish men to pray each morning. The prayer went like this, “Blessed is God who did not make me a Gentile, who did not make me a woman, and who did not make me an ignorant brute.” Also, Jewish women in Jesus’ day were only allowed in the Court of the Women at the temple, a specific court which we can’t find listed in the original temple built by Solomon. There were so many limitations on women in Jewish society in the first century which let them know they were second class citizens, inferior to men. And yet, in Scripture, not in cultural practice, but in Scripture we find a far different understanding of women. Where did the Jews go wrong? Dr. Zhava Glasser writes,
What brought about this drastic change from the esteem women had in the times of the Hebrew Scriptures to their near exclusion from society by the era of the New Testament? Very likely, this degraded view of a woman’s role was imported from Greek thought. The similarities between the Hellenistic and Talmudic views of women are remarkable. Through the influence of their heathen neighbors, the rabbis slowly relegated women to their first-century seclusion…these gender norms were not based on the Tanakh or Jewish culture, but on Greek and Roman household codes that were widespread throughout their empires and occupied lands (Dr. Zhava Glaser. The Role of Women in the Bible).
A drastic change from the Hebrew Bible to being nearly excluded from society and relegated to the home. Were women included in the Hebrew Bible? Most definitely! There is no doubt that patriarchy was the order of the day in every ancient civilization mentioned in the Bible. Yet, in the Hebrew Bible we find women much more involved in everyday life than the illustrations I’ve shared with you about how Greek and Roman and even Jewish thinkers in Jesus’ day excluded women.
Let me give you some examples of what I’m talking about. Let’s go all the way back to the beginning, to Genesis 1. Read along with me beginning in verse 26.
26 Then God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground." 27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground." 29 Then God said, "Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. 30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground-- everything that has life." And that is what happened. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day. (Genesis 1:26-31 NLT)
“In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (vs. 27). Did you notice that in verse 28 God gave to the man and the woman the task of “being fruitful and multiplying” and to “govern the earth.” In verse 31, “God looked over all he had made, and he saw it was very good!” What the Greek and Roman philosophers, what the Jewish rabbis who came later missed was that God had created both men and women with inherent worth and dignity. God created the man and the woman in His own image. That doesn’t mean that men and women are the same, but it does mean that in our differences as men and women we are made in His image and possess incredible value for this reason alone. Women are not incomplete men as Aristotle believed, they are created in the very image of God. Men are not superior as many have believed, but we are created in God’s very image.
In the Old Testament we can see this truth lived out. God used Queen Esther to save the Jewish people from the hatred of Haman, the man who wanted to wipe out the Jews living in Persia. How about the powerful story of Ruth, a Moabite woman who married one of the sons of Elimelek and Naomi. When Ruth’s husband died, she chose to go back to Israel and take care of her Hebrew mother-in-law Naomi instead of staying with her own people. God provided for the two women, Ruth eventually married Boaz, and they had a son they named Obed. In time, Ruth, the Moabite, became the great-grandmother of King David, the greatest king in Israel’s history. The bravery, faithfulness, and selfless character of Ruth are models for all of us.
One of Israel’s great kings was a young man named Josiah, who was one of only a few good kings in the southern kingdom of Judah. During the early years of King Josiah’s reign, the book of the Law that had been lost, was found. When the scroll was read to the king he was devastated because he recognized how God’s people had strayed so far away from God. Josiah didn’t know what to do so he sent his advisers to Huldah the prophetess. There were other prophets, men like Jeremiah and Zephaniah who were prophesying at the same time as Huldah, that Josiah could have sought counsel from at such an important time in his life, but he chose Huldah. This female prophetess, Huldah, had a message from the Lord to give to King Josiah.
27 Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before God when you heard what he spoke against this place and its people, and because you humbled yourself before me and tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD. 28 Now I will gather you to your ancestors, and you will be buried in peace. Your eyes will not see all the disaster I am going to bring on this place and on those who live here.'" So they took her answer back to the king. (2 Chronicles 34:27-28 NIV)
When the message got back to Josiah he called all of the people of Jerusalem together and they rededicated themselves to the Lord. And, in the last verse of 2 Chronicles 34, we read, “As long as he lived, they did not fail to follow the LORD, the God of their ancestors.” (2 Chronicles 34:33 NIV)
And then there is that book of Judges in our Bible. If I am counting right there were twelve judges during the period of the Judges. Tucked in there among all of those men who led Israel is the only female judge. Her name was Deborah and she was both a prophetess and a Judge. It was not a good time in the history of Israel. Jabin, king of Canaan, had been giving God’s people a beating for twenty years. He had nine hundred iron chariots in his army and God’s people couldn’t compete (Judges 4:2-3). The Lord gave Deborah a message to give to Barak, the leader of Israel’s army. She said, "The LORD, the God of Israel, commands you: 'Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor’” (Judges 4:6 NIV). Barak heard Deborah, he knew the message was from the Lord, but he said, “If you go with me I’ll go, but I’m not going by myself.” In the very next verse, we read,
9 "Certainly I will go with you," said Deborah. "But because of the course you are taking, the honor will not be yours, for the LORD will deliver Sisera into the hands of a woman." So Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh. (Judges 4:9 NIV)
When the battle began the army of Israel was so powerful that Sisera, the leader of the Canaanite army, ran on foot trying to save his own life. He ended up hiding in a tent owned by a woman named Jael. He was exhausted and tired so he asked her for something to drink. He went into the tent and said, “If anyone asks you…I’m not here.” When Sisera fell asleep, Jael took a tent peg and drove into Sisera’s temple…and Deborah’s prophecy was fulfilled.
I don’t have time, but I’d love for you to read Proverbs 31 and learn about the “Eshet Chayil,” the woman of valor that was praised in Israel. She is doing more than vacuuming, washing dishes, and folding clothes. She is involved in real estate and shipping. She is able to take raw materials and create things of value. Her financial insights are incredible as she allocates her resources so she can not only take care of her family, but to help others at the same time. One writer has described her in these words,
She’s educated about the world and the world of business. She knows how to use her skills to provide for her family, and she’s not afraid to go interact with that world, whether it be as a merchant or a buyer. She knows how to use her strengths to her best advantage, and she fully realizes how valuable her efforts are.
And in the New Testament we find time and time again the value Jesus placed on women. Jewish men would not normally speak to a woman, other than their wife, in public. Yet, Jesus took time to speak to a woman, a Samaritan woman who He met at the well, and Jesus shared with her the living waters that changed her life. It was a woman who first came to Jesus’ tomb after His resurrection. It was because of the influence of Jesus that the Apostle Paul wrote,
26 So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, 27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:26-28 NIV)
Well, we are about out of time, but we are just getting started. We will come back next week and take a look at our Scripture in 1 Peter, but I felt it was necessary for us to lay the foundation for our study this morning.
I have heard for years how the Bible is anti-woman, discriminating against women, and has been used to hold women back and keep them in their place. There is no doubt that the Bible has been used in that way by those who have twisted and misused God’s Word to support their own prejudices, but that is not what is taught in God’s Word. I want you to know that if you are a man or woman and you want to know your true value, your true purpose in life, then you need to only turn to God’s Word. In the image of God you have been created and in a relationship with God, which is available through Jesus Christ, you will find life, abundant life. Won’t you become a follower of Jesus today?
Mike Hays
Britton Christian Church
August 4, 2024
